Ode to a Blogging Heroine

Dear Pioneer Woman

You are my hero.

You live in the country,

yet YOU ROCK!
You're an Oklahoma housewife,
And a jet-setting celebrity.
You feed your family, and at the same time,
You cook for the the whole world.

...Ok, so that's all I can come up with.  I'm tahrd dangit!  But really, Ree Drummond is as good as they come.  Oh, how I would love to meet her and her little punks and her handsome hubby.  If the good lord ever sees fit to let me re-invent myself I want to be her (with my own punks and handsome hubby, of course!).  I read her blog every gawl dang day!  Sometimes more'n once.   I just love her total transparency and how bravely she just puts herself all out there.  I know, lots of people in cyberspace just "put themselves out there", but really Ree is not just an unknown blogger that has only family and friends following her blog.  She really is a celebrity and so now everything she says and does is subject to even more scrutiny and criticism.  But has it changed her openness and quirkiness?  Not one bit

And I like it.

Lament

DISCLAIMER:  THIS IS A VERY DEPRESSING ENTRY.  FEEL FREE TO SKIP OVER IT AS IT IS MERELY A "DUMPING" OF EMOTIONAL ANGST.

Fear:
It's always there.  Hiding in the dark, dingy shadows.  Waiting for even the slightest show of weakness.  It never creeps.  It just attacks with a gut-wrenching blow that knocks the wind out of me.  I feel like an animal trapped in a hunter's crosshairs.  Knowing I should run, but unable to do so.
Tears:
They are never far behind the fear.  They come, unbidden and at the most inopportune moments.  I can't hold them back.  I don't want to be afraid.  I don't want to be weak.  I want to be brave and strong and to know, instantly, exactly what to do to fix the current crisis.  I cry.  I rage.  I hide.  I procrastinate.  I wallow in anger and self-pity:
Why is this happening to me?  What have I done to deserve this?  Is there supposed to be a lesson in this?  I hate lessons.  Why can't things just be simple?  I don't have time for this right now.  Wasn't I doing everything according to your plan?  I thought I was.
Finally, I drop to my knees...and pray.
Dear God,
Please save me.  Not just from this situation, but from myself.  I'm so confused and afraid.  I don't know how to fix it and I don't know how to try.  I know I need to do something, but I need you to show me what it is.
God?  Please forgive me.  I know I can't do this alone, and yet my faith is the first defense to drop.  Why do I take it as a personal affront when life is hard?  What makes me so special from any other person that I think I deserve some kind of divine protection from the struggles of this life?  Why am I angry at you?  It's not your will that this world is as it is.  Give me courage.  Give me strength of character.  Bolster my faith.   Carry me through this.  I need you.

Busy, Busy Bread and Cake!

The Bread
Last Friday I performed a "test run" of what I had chosen to do for my bread project (which is due in class on Wednesday - that's 2 days from now).  The project has to be a lean yeast bread (basically, a yeast bread containing little to no fat) and we are supposed to make and bake the recipe and bring it to class with us for Anne to evaluate and everyone to sample.  I had originally decided to make Pesto Garland Bread.  Sounds yummy, right?  That's why I chose it.  I have only a few things to say about this bread:

1. It's a LOT of steps (translate:  a lot of dirty dishes)
2. It takes a LONG time to complete
3. It's not so great

Don't get me wrong... the bread recipe itself came out fine (looks, smell, texture, etc).  I just didn't really like it.  And I kind of thought it wasn't so beautiful for the amount of work that went into it.  Unfortunately, I forgot to take a picture of the finished product before the weekend got away from me.  I'll get better at this blogging thing, I promise!  So, I've changed my recipe choice for my bread project.  Today I'm going to test run making Amish Pretzels.  I hope I like these better.  I don't really know why I am so worried about it being a delicious recipe.  Probably because my whole class will be sampling it.  Wish me luck!

The Cake

The rest of the weekend was packed full with a Wedding Cake class that was Saturday and Sunday 9-6.  Let me just say... I am oh-so-tired.  And, I get to do it again next weekend!  However, the class was a lot of fun and I learned a lot of new things as well as got a chance to sharpen some of my basic decorating skills.  I was pleasantly surprised to find that I am getting better at making even basic decorator flowers.   We worked in groups of three to make a 2 tiered, stacked cake.  For those of you who know me and/or have attempted to work with me in the kitchen, then you know that I AM A TOTAL CONTROL FREAK.  Add that lovely personality trait to an ever-present lack of confidence and a need to excel at whatever I am doing, and you can surely imagine my strife.  Now, before you go making up ugly scenarios of "Little Miss Bossy-Bossy", let me put your mind at ease by letting you know that I handled the situation with -I think- a lot of grace.  Emily and Reyna were sweet and fun.  Not everything went super smoothly, but that's pretty much real life, isn't it?  Overall I think we did pretty well and I am reasonably happy with the end result. 

Time Flies...

Ok, so obviously I won't be perfect at this blogging thing.  Me and my lofty ideas of blogging every day... sigh.  Here, its been four days since my last post! ...And I thought I was bored and not busy...
Oh well, I'm here now, right?  But what should I write about? 

• The epic failures I experienced in making a veal stock, jelly candies and *even* Pillsbury refrigerator cookies? 
• The fun packed days of the 3-day weekend with the gorgeous weather? 
• The sadness and complete and utter frustration of completing our taxes? - {Sidebar:  I actually dreamed last night that Barry and I won $6000 in some random gambling thing.  We don't gamble.  We don't even play the Lottery.}

Making Veal Stock from the bones = time consuming and hard and stressful.  The stress mostly came from the knowledge that I would have to turn in the results of my attempt as well as use it in 4 sauces at the next class.  It's only an elective class, but I still want to do well.  Actually, I want to do better than anyone else in the class, but that's a neurosis for discussion in a whole other post...

Making jelly candy looks SO EASY.  Well... it's SO NOT.  I tried and failed.  Twice.  I now have 3 cups of really yummy raspberry... jelly-paste.

Since I was out of time (for Valentine's Day) I decided to just get some Pillsbury sugar cookies and do heart shaped cut-outs and maybe even make little cookie sandwiches with the raspberry jelly-paste.  Um...Pillsbury sugar cookies totally puff up when they cook.  All the little hearts came out looking like, well circles.  POAS!

Beautiful weather + 3 day weekend + my family = so much fun.  Went to Harbor Cafe for V-Day breakfast on Sunday.  Totally disappointed.  So disappointed, in fact, that I actually Yelp!'d about it! Probably won't be going back there anytime soon.  Took the girls (and their boys) to Aldo's on Monday for breakfast.  No complaints there.  They definitely know what they are doing.  We should have gone there yesterday!  The Boardwalk was having 2 for 1 day so we spent the rest of the day there.  Lots of fun was had by all.  Barry tried to video record Hanna and Omar WHILE we rode the Giant Dipper... they actually stopped the ride and told him to put his cellphone away.  I'm not gonna lie, it was kind of embarassing.

I'm not going to bore you with the ugly details of our 6 year, ahem... "relationship" with the IRS.  Suffice it to say it's a love-hate relationship.  They LOVE taking exorbitant amounts of our money and we HATE that they take it.

All in all, a pretty good weekend.  Unfortunately, I didn't spend much time studying so I feel completely unprepared for class this week.  Time to get to studying!

The highs and lows of the first week of school

That's right. I'm a student of Culinary Arts. I know... I'm 41 and I should be all grown up by now, but I'm just not willing to look back on my life and see it all spent behind a desk pushing paper. Just because you are good at something doesn't mean you want to do it forever.
So, this year I gave up my career in Project Management and enrolled in Culinary School. I'm not really sure yet if I want to focus on cooking vs. baking, but I have some time to decide. I'll just try it all! I took Beginning Culinary Arts (which focuses on cooking in a Professional kitchen) in the Fall and enjoyed it quite a bit. This semester I am enrolled in a lot of baking and pastry classes. Now, all of that being said, I'd just like to point out that being 41 makes me the minority in the Culinary Arts Program at Cabrillo College. This fact alone will no doubt provide some fodder for this blog.

Here's a summary of the first week of the semester:

Monday - Artisan Confections:
Some familiar faces, but no other students that I know personally.  Anne Baldzikowski is the instructor.  I've heard really good things about her and she seems very passionate about what she does.  When I originally enrolled in this class I had thought it was going to be about sugar work as it relates to cake decorating and such.  I have no idea why I thought that.  I think I had just watched an episode of "The Great Cake Off" on Food Network or something...Anyway, it's not about that at all.  This class focuses on exactly what it says... "Artisan Confections".  Unique, hand-crafted confections (candy, etc) that is made with high-quality ingredients and showcases the artists' talents (of which I have exactly none).  She showed us pictures of final projects turned in by previous students and let me just say that it was intimidating.  I instantly started doubting my creative prowess and abilities.
Anne did a demonstration of Pate de Fruit, which looks fairly simple but with nice looking results.  I think I may attempt Pate de Fruit (jelly candies) this weekend as a Valentine's gift to my family.  Raspberry, I think.

Tuesday - History of Sauces and Sauce Making:
This is a 1/2 semester class taught by Eric Carter.  Eric was my instructor last semester in the Beginning Culinary Arts Lab.  I took this class mostly because Eric was teaching it and I respect his knowledge and passion for cooking.  He's got a fun and inspiring teaching style.  There are 24 students and 12 burners so we will be paired up.  We made a Brown  and Blonde Roux and also a Bechamel Sauce.  It was crowded and hectic around the stovetops.  I was less than pleased with the results of my teams' bechamel.  It was not as thick as I would have liked.  At the end, we all got to taste each teams' results.  It's amazing to me how we started out with the exact same ingredients yet every sauce had a different look, flavor, texture.  Pretty cool.  I'm going to enjoy this class.

Wednesday - Basic Baking and Pastry:
This class is going to be AWE-SUM.  Anne is the instructor again.  It's going to be a lot of work and, as she talked about the milestone projects and showed us examples from past students, I got that sick niggling feeling in the pit of my stomach again.  I am very concerned that I won't measure up.  I keep hoping that I'll wake up one morning to find that the right side of my brain has taken over and I've been transformed into a veritable "Kitchen Picasso".  Pray for me.

Thursday - Purchasing and Food Costing:
= Math.  Blegh.  The only redeeming quality about this class is that my "boys" from last semester are in this class with me.  The two Alex's, the two Sam's, Bobby.  That alone will make it bearable.

Thursday - Chocolate:
Need I say anything more?  I don't think so.  Well, ok just this:  We made chocolate from the bean.  Very interesting.  It's been conching since 7:30 last night and I'll go by there to help Anne turn it out and sheet it this afternoon.  I cannot wait to taste the results!  Here's a great blog about making chocolate from scratch:  http://www.chocolatealchemy.com/conchingrefining.php.  I'll let you know how the chocolate turns out!

All in all, it was an exciting week.  I'm anxious to get in there next week and get my hands (and apron) dirty!

To Do Today

*YAWN* Up at 8:30. I let myself sleep in to make up for having to stumble out of bed so early yesterday. Also, I stayed up late watching Lost. Which, by the way, is absolutely the best drama series to hit night-time television in my lifetime.

Apparently, Nani either got into some poison oak (which is pretty common here in the Santa Cruz Mountains) or got some sort of insect bite because her poor little face is all swollen and red. She looks like Tea Leoni in "Fun With Dick and Jane" after she donates her face to cosmetic testing. If I was a bit more internet savvy I'd be able to find a picture Tea (aka Jane), but alas I cannot.

Here's a picture of my poor little sweet Nani. Doesn't she look so misrable?  I gave her a very small dose of benadryl which I think has made her feel a little bit better.

Ok so:

• 
  
  Medicate dog > done
• 
  
  Hit the Curves circuit > done
• 
  
  laundry > done
• 
  
  dishes > done
• 
  
  grocery shopping > done
• 
  
  blog post > I'm working on it

... And off I go to Day 3 of the first week of Spring '10 Semester.  Check back this weekend for a synopsis of the week's events.  All of my classes this semester are in the same room.  A small classroom just off of the campus cafeteria's kitchen.  I suspect tonight will be my third "tour of the kitchen".  Yawn.  I may have to get a Starbucks on the way out there.

Tuesday Morning Woes

So, my day started at 5:38am. Here's how it's gone down so far:

5:38am
The phone rings, waking me up out of a REM state sleep. I bang my knee staggering through the dark to get to the phone - all the while praying it's not the CHP calling to tell me Barry (henceforth to be referred to as "The Hub") has been in an accident.

5:38 1/2am
I answer and The Hub tells me that the Jetta has broken down while on his way to work. I bang my knee staggering back to the bed in the dark. Not really sure why I felt the need to go back to the bed. It was cold and dark I guess.

5:39am
After saying some things my mother would not approve of about our tiny bedroom and lack of space, I gather from The Hub that he's stranded at a gas station in Los Gatos and I need to go pick him up and get him to work.

5:40am
I bang my knee staggering back out of bed for the last time today in an attempt to make it to the coffee maker (insert pit stop at the toilet here).

5:40 1/2am
The cat immediately starts howling because - gasp - she can see the bottom of her bowl. Note: there is food in the bowl, she just panics when she sees the bottom. She's got issues. I kick the cat. (metaphorically speaking, of course)



5:45am
Coffee is in the travel mug and a sweatshirt has been thrown on over my PJ's. I head out into the dark, rainy morning in my slippers. The Hub calls AAA to have the Jetta picked up.

5:45-6:10am
I brave the scalding hot coffee while driving Hwy 17 in the dark and rain. Mostly out of concern for the safety of other drivers on the road with me; the uncaffeinated-bruised-knee-bad-night-visioned driver.

6:10am
I arrive at the gas station at the same time as the tow truck. The Hub is on the phone with someone from work. Apparently today is not a good day to be late to work...

6:25am
The tow truck driver informs The Hub that he cannot take the car to the shop without an escort since they are likely not open yet. By this time, I am sufficiently coherent (thanks to the scalding hot coffee). Enough so that I am able to compute that this lovely little piece of information means that I didn't even need to drive out there afterall since The Hub would have had to come back to Scotts Valley with the car. Sidenote: Home to Scotts Valley = 3 1/2 miles. Home to Los Gatos = 26miles.

6:25 1/2am
Rather than saying more things my mother would not approve of, I turn on KLOVE and listen to a song - any song - just so I don't either pitch a fit or break down in tears. I'm not a morning person.

6:35am
I am back on the road following the tow truck with my passenger (The Hub). He's messing around with his DROID trying to find a rental car in Scotts Valley. Noone opens until 8:00.

7:05am
While waiting in the parking lot of the repair shop, trying to stay out of the way of the tow truck, some guy flips me off because I made it a little difficult for him to get to some other random driveway he needed to get down. Good morning to you too Mr. Grumpy-pants.

7:15am
The car is unhitched, the tow driver takes off and me and my passenger drive 3 1/2 miles home to drop me off and find a rental car for myself.

7:27am
I walk through the front door and proceed to step right into a steamy pile of dog poo. After saying some more things my mother wouldn't approve of, I clean myself and the carpet up while trying not to vomit up the coffee burning a hole in my stomach.

7:30am
I kick the dog. (metaphorically speaking, of course)



8:15am
Hertz rental car confirmed for pick up at 10am. $116 for 2 days?!?!?! For Petes sake!

8:55am
I call Ashley to ask her if she can pick me up and drop me at the rental office in Scotts Valley. She can't. She's at work. She doesn't work on Tuesdays. Apparently just this week.

8:57am
I've planned out my bus route to get the 3 1/2 miles from home to Scotts Valley to the Hertz office. The bus stop is 1/2 mile away from my house.

9:05am
I'm dressed and ready to walk to the bus stop. It's raining. My umbrella is in the Honda. The Honda is in Fremont with The Hub.

9:06-9:25am
I scrounge up an old, broken umbrella that I have to hold open at the top and make my way down to the bus stop. I have a blood blister on my thumb by the time I get there. My knee still hurts.

9:34am
The bus is here. I get on. I feed my $1.50 into the machine and the driver informs that he's not going to Scotts Valley. This is the 35A bus, not just the plain old 35that goes through Scotts Valley on its way to Santa Cruz. The conversation proceeds in such a manmer that by the time it's over I feel like a complete idiot, the bus driver has succeeded in making himself feel like a big smarty-pants, and all the highschoolers on the bus are snickering.

9:35am
I get off the bus.

9:37am
The bus is here. I get on. I ask the driver if he's going to Scotts Valley. He says he is. I feed my $1.50 into the machine and take a seat. It will take approximately 30 minutes to get 3 1/2 miles.

10:00am
I get off the bus and walk the 1/4 mile to the Hertz office. The car is not ready, she says. Actually, its in Santa Cruz and I have to wait for it to be driven in to Scotts Valley. I wait.

10:25am
The car is here. I've suffered through the Hertz representative trying to sell me every little thing under the sun so I can drive this car 10 miles to school and 10miles back. No, no and no. Thank you very much.

10:27am
I'm on my way home. In my cute little Sea Green Toyota Corolla. It's not raining anymore. My sunglasses are in the Honda. The Honda is in Fremont with The Hub. I sneeze 5 times.

10:31am
I'm home (again). No poop. No howling cat. They can come out of hiding now. I will not be kicking anyone. I sit down at the computer and compose my first ever blog post.

11:40am
Today is the first day of my Sauce class. Lord, I sure hope I make it there in one piece! My knee still hurts.